How to cope with social anxiety?

Coping with social anxiety is a journey that many people, especially in their teenage years and their 20s, navigate as they step into new social roles, build careers, and form relationships. Social anxiety, commonly referred to as social phobia, might range from a slight discomfort in social situations to incapacitating fear that a person stays at home and avoids any contact with others.

We all have some shy friends, but social anxiety is much more than mere shyness. Shyness is a character trait – some people just don’t enjoy attention for various reasons. As such, shyness seldom creates problems in social functioning. On the other end of the continuum, there is the avoidant personality disorder – the most severe form of social inhibition.

When we talk about social anxiety, we talk about specific patterns of thinking that cause a person to avoid social situations due to the fear of being embarrassed, ridiculed, or disliked. And although the condition is relatively frequent, there is a great variety in the individual ways people experience those difficulties.

Here are some tips on how to tackle social anxiety in early adulthood:

1. Understand Your Anxiety

First, it’s important to recognize that social anxiety is a common experience, and you’re not alone in feeling it. It often stems from a fear of being judged or rejected by others. Understanding this can help you to be kinder to yourself. Oftentimes the root of the fears is in past experiences of rejection, either in the family of origin or in the peer group. Bullying in school is the most common precipitating factor in adolescence.

2. Challenge Negative Thoughts

Social anxiety often comes with a barrage of negative thoughts, such as “What if I say something stupid?” or “Everyone will think I’m awkward.” These thoughts are often exaggerated and not rooted in reality. When you catch yourself thinking this way, try to challenge these thoughts by asking, “Is this really true?” or “What’s the worst that could realistically happen?” Over the course of CBT, people learn how to challenge such thoughts.

3. Gradual Exposure

Avoiding social situations might feel like a relief in the short term, but it can reinforce anxiety in the long run. Instead, try gradually exposing yourself to situations that trigger your anxiety. Start with something small, like attending a casual gathering, and work your way up to more challenging scenarios. This gradual exposure helps you build confidence over time. People often disregard the importance of this part, because the daily challenges we set up might look too small to make a difference. Keep in mind that successful change starts with very small steps.

4. Practice Mindfulness and Relaxation Techniques

Mindfulness can be a powerful tool for managing anxiety. By staying present and focusing on your breath or surroundings, you can reduce the intensity of anxiety at a physiological level. Techniques like deep breathing or progressive muscle relaxation can also help calm your body’s stress response in social situations. Restless minds particularly dislike mindfulness, so practicing on your own can sometimes be challenging. Experiment with various resources online until you find exercises you actually like.

5. Build a Support Network

Talk to someone you trust about your feelings. Sometimes just sharing what you’re going through can lighten the load. Consider seeking support from a therapist, who can work with you on strategies to manage anxiety. Group therapy can also be beneficial, as it provides a safe space to practice social interactions with others who understand what you’re going through.

6. Focus on Others, Not Just Yourself

When we’re anxious, our attention tends to turn inward, making us hyper-aware of our perceived flaws. Instead, try shifting your focus outward. Listen actively to what others are saying, ask questions, and show genuine interest. This not only helps reduce self-consciousness but also makes you a more engaged and confident conversationalist. Don’t get discouraged if you fail at first – shifting the focus of your thoughts is daunting in the beginning, but just as with muscle training, it becomes easier with more practice.

7. Celebrate Small Wins

Every time you face a social situation, no matter how small, and make it through, take a moment to acknowledge your courage. Celebrate these small victories—they’re steps toward overcoming your anxiety. Don’t criticize yourself for not doing things the way others are doing them. There will always be people who are better than you at something. Compare yourself to your past version, instead of to others, to notice your progress.

Remember that with time, practice, and self-compassion, you can learn to manage the anxiety effectively and live a fulfilling social life.